"Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them." John 7:38

If you’re a mom, you’ve probably given yourself one or more, “Mom Awards”. You know the ones I mean: “Worst Mom of the Hour/Day/Week/Month/Year or Decade”; and the most despised: “Worst Mom of the Century”.

I have a closet full! There are days when I received all of them in one afternoon.

I’ll never forget one of the “Worst Mom” awards I received… I gave it to myself the winter before this family photo was taken.

marcia1986

In my defense… it was winter, and it’s not easy being a mom of preschoolers cooped up in the house for days. Danny had developed a habit of masterfully pushing Bobby down every time he saw Bobby standing still. I warned Danny: If you do that again, I’m going to push you!

Danny pushed. Bobby fell and started crying. I gave Danny the “you’re in for it now” look!

Immediately, Danny started to quickly back away, in stocking feet on a vinyl floor. I reached toward him, he lost his balance, slipped, fell and hit his head on the cabinet. He started crying. Bobby was still crying. And I sat down beside them, crying.

That night, sitting between Dan’s bed and Bob’s crib, still crying, I wrote them both a letter of apology in case they ever recalled this horrible day in therapy as adults. I still have the letters. Just in case.

There, it’s out there. I’m the worst mom ever. And, I have more stories I could tell…..

Guilt? Yes! Feeling like a failure? Yes! Like King David, I cried out to the Lord:

“My guilt overwhelms me – it is a burden too heavy to bear. My wounds fester and stink because of my foolish sins. I am bent over and racked with pain. All day long I walk around filled with grief.” – Psalm 38:4-6 NLT

There is no way to remove the guilt. We may try to cover over it with kind acts – I probably made cookies for them later on, or let them watch their favorite TV show. I may have tried to ease my conscience by telling myself I was doing my best to be a good mom. I had to keep my word. I had to teach Danny right behavior. It was just a little bump. Barely nothing. And surely nothing in the grand scheme of things.  And, while all of that was true, my heart ached because I had hurt my child by my own hand.

There was only one way to remove the guilt: Come to Jesus and confess the sin.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. – 1 John 1:9NIV

“For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ’s blood to make us clean…” – Hebrews 10:22 NLT

As a mom I’ve gotten really good, I think, at asking for forgiveness, both from the Lord and from the boys. Sometimes now, the boys will laugh at me when I bring up long ago events and ask for their forgiveness. It is worth the laughter because I love to dance in the freedom that comes with forgiveness.

MarciaSonsWeddingDance


Comments on: "“The Mom Award”" (16)

  1. Vonnie said:

    THAT one left me crying also! I think we moms can definitely identify w/ those kinds of moments. But how true it is, Jesus is just waiting for us to lean on Him for forgiveness and restoration!

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  2. RACHEL PERDUE said:

    I believe I have a lot of awards in my closet, as I was reading I sit here thinking of so many times things seemed right at the time. As you said, we can laugh about that now. So, that is good we serve a forgiving God, and children. LU

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  3. Sandy Carlson said:

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart! You devotional brought tears to my eyes. As mothers we try so hard but sometimes we are impulsive and do what we think needs to be done without asking God for His wisdom. I’m thankful for God’s grace and forgiveness.

    An imperfect Mom who has been forgiven!

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  4. Lisa Peterson said:

    Marcia, this writing today certainly rings true with me as I am sure with any human being. But the forgiveness given by Jesus is the ultimate healing for the soul. It is liberating. Besides my grandmother always said that the best thing was a clean house, I choose to apply that to my soul. Keep warm. Love Lisa

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  5. Lisa Peterson said:

    PS LOVE the photos

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  6. Brian Furrow said:

    Worlds best mom. ML. B

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

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  7. Stephanie Petty said:

    I was so touched by your devotional today. The pictures first caught my eye since I just enjoyed the marriage of my son a little over a month ago and still relishing that 4 minutes of dancing with my son and sharing some very special words with each other. I have asked my son’s forgiveness so many times, but it is so much harder to forgive ourselves. Remembering what a gracious and merciful God we have is so important to forgiving and being forgiven. Thanks Marcia.

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  8. Kelli said:

    Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet….Thank you, Jesus, for Marcia’s sweet words that remind us that we are forgiven through you. This made me cry!

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  9. Nikki said:

    I love this message. Everything about it. I feel like I already have so many mom awards in my closet that I need a bigger house with more closet space to keep them! Thank for the reminder that I can hand each “award” over to HIM, rather than hiding it in a closet and letting the guilt consume me. Also, THANK YOU for making me realize that although my boys are young, they are not too young to understand forgiveness, and that I need to make more of a point to ask them for it when I mess up.

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