"Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them." John 7:38

The Mom Award

If you’re a mom, you’ve probably given yourself one or more, “Mom Awards”. You know the ones I mean: “Worst Mom of the Hour/Day/Week/Month/Year or Decade”; and the most despised: “Worst Mom of the Century”.

I have a closet full! There are days when I received all of them in one afternoon.

I’ll never forget one of the “Worst Mom” awards I received… I gave it to myself the winter before this family photo was taken.

marcia1986

In my defense… it was winter, and it’s not easy being a mom of preschoolers cooped up in the house for days. Danny had developed a habit of masterfully pushing Bobby down every time he saw Bobby standing still. I warned Danny: If you do that again, I’m going to push you!

Danny pushed. Bobby fell and started crying. I gave Danny the “you’re in for it now” look!

Immediately, Danny started to quickly back away, in stocking feet on a vinyl floor. I reached toward him, he lost his balance, slipped, fell and hit his head on the cabinet. He started crying. Bobby was still crying. And I sat down beside them, crying.

That night, sitting between Dan’s bed and Bob’s crib, still crying, I wrote them both a letter of apology in case they ever recalled this horrible day in therapy as adults. I still have the letters. Just in case.

There, it’s out there. I’m the worst mom ever. And, I have more stories I could tell…..

Guilt? Yes! Feeling like a failure? Yes! Like King David, I cried out to the Lord:

“My guilt overwhelms me – it is a burden too heavy to bear. My wounds fester and stink because of my foolish sins. I am bent over and racked with pain. All day long I walk around filled with grief.” – Psalm 38:4-6 NLT

There is no way to remove the guilt. We may try to cover over it with kind acts – I probably made cookies for them later on, or let them watch their favorite TV show. I may have tried to ease my conscience by telling myself I was doing my best to be a good mom. I had to keep my word. I had to teach Danny right behavior. It was just a little bump. Barely nothing. And surely nothing in the grand scheme of things. And, while all of that was true, my heart ached because I had hurt my child by my own hand.

There was only one way to remove the guilt: Come to Jesus and confess the sin.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” – 1 John 1:9NIV

“For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ’s blood to make us clean…” – Hebrews 10:22 NLT

As a mom I’ve gotten really good, I think, at asking for forgiveness, both from the Lord and from the boys. Sometimes now, the boys will laugh at me when I bring up long ago events and ask for their forgiveness. It is worth the laughter because I love to dance in the freedom that comes with forgiveness.

MarciaSonsWeddingDance

*Previously published on 1/24/14. While Marcia enjoys time with her family for Memorial Day, we will be repeating previously published devotions.

Comments on: "The Mom Award" (3)

  1. Anonymous said:

    Not easy walking in Mom’s shoes. My job was easy compared to what Mary sacrafised.

    soli deo gloria
    [to God be the glory, great things he has done]

    Like

  2. Judy Nuetzmann said:

    This was wonderful. I sit in a ‘focus’ room alone at work. It is my break. These awards we give ourselves, even at work, keep coming: most inept, worst memory, biggest gossip, etc. This blog energizes me to go back to work and realize my Lord looks at my heart towards Him, even in the mist of my short comings! He is with me. Your family photo is precious BTW! Hugs to you Marcia!

    Liked by 1 person

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